Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
