You really coming over, don't trick.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
