Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My penis needs a shock collar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
