yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
