dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
