This is not my ceiling
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
