driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
