Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
