Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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