Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
