If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize