Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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