Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
