In the future we'll all be gay
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
