mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
