I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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