i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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