he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
