my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize