is your mom at the bar?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The air taste purple.
Randomize
