remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
