susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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