Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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