Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
