Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
