This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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