I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize