planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
