You don't have asthma, your pregnant
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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