I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
