so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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