Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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