The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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