I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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