So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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