never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
