I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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