I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
