How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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