That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
