oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think i have two assholes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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