the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize