I puked a lego.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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