So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
