so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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