I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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