i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
