whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
