just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
