Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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