I cannot find my penis.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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