hotel room ftw
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
