i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
