wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
