Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
