She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
