You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
