i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
