I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
