Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
