Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
