Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.