Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

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  (610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem. http://tfl.nu/6hmf
  Replies (34) Good night (1951) Bad night (761)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina

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  (972): 90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina http://tfl.nu/4hnn
  Replies (7) Good night (907) Bad night (3375)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

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  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (6068) Bad night (1192)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.

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  (304): His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know. http://tfl.nu/hifx
  Replies (13) Good night (3796) Bad night (605)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

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  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6671) Bad night (1031)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over

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  (205): I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over http://tfl.nu/18ji
  Replies (22) Good night (1137) Bad night (4412)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.

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  (416): i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino. http://tfl.nu/gey0
  Replies (3) Good night (1523) Bad night (903)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.

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  (708): My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase. http://tfl.nu/2212
  Replies (4) Good night (1327) Bad night (3286)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.

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  (313): Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup. http://tfl.nu/5rlq
  Replies (5) Good night (1010) Bad night (2658)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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  (503): A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money. http://tfl.nu/jqm6
  Replies (4) Good night (2121) Bad night (599)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...

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  (902): Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask? (902): It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet... http://tfl.nu/mgzk
  Replies (19) Good night (2154) Bad night (529)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.

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  (507): Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization. http://tfl.nu/k6sn
  Replies (5) Good night (1479) Bad night (495)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.

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  (805): I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lu11
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (971)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that

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  (513): I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that http://tfl.nu/zzq0
  Replies (8) Good night (1507) Bad night (265)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I went on an adventure and now we have more food.

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.

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  (360): I went on an adventure and now we have more food. (360): Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible. http://tfl.nu/3w1h
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (274)

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