I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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