SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.