I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
