Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
did you just send me my own nude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
