i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
