So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
