you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
