So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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