Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
