ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
