So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
