Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
