You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
